Ano to the Third Degree
by Songwind
Summary: (Dedicated to Neko-chan) Sequel to "Ano". A fellow authoress demands to meet with Suzaku-sama, and special things happen... Please enjoy!


Ano to the 3rd Degree  
  
By Songwind  
  
Notes- Sequel to "Ano". A fellow authoress reads my story and demands I show her the way to Suzaku-sama, and interesting and special things happen... Dedicated to Neko-chan, especially since she stars in it. All for you, Neko-chan!  
  
DISCLAIMER- I don't own FY or Neko-chan. I'm sure that shocks you.  
  
~*~  
  
"NANI?!"  
  
Neko-chan stared at the screen incredulously. Now, this may or may not have been a normal thing for the cat girl to do. However, this time she felt she had a very good reason for said staring.  
  
She was on the Internet, surfing through a few new stories on fanfiction.net. One story had caught her eye, as she recognized the author who wrote it and thought the summary was... well... special.  
  
"That- that! Why didn't she tell me?" she demanded.   
  
The computer gave a little beeping noise to warn her that her Internet would shut down if she didn't start surfing again soon, but she was otherwise completely ignored.  
  
Neko-chan smacked the computer. "Why that no-good authoress person! Meh!"  
  
Then she paused as an idea slowly came to mind. Her head tilted to one side and she began to tap her chin with an index finger thoughtfully as she considered said idea. Finally, an evil smirk made its way onto her face.  
  
"Songgie-dono, prepare to have a guest! Mwahahaha..."  
  
The computer then beeped at her, making an annoyed "Are you going to do anything here or not?" noise.  
  
Neko-chan stopped laughing to frown at the ceiling. "Wait, I don't know where she lives!"  
  
The computer promptly face-faulted.  
  
~*~  
  
It was finally over. School, I mean. And I was keeping my eye out for a certain, weird, old guy in plaid as I had done every day since that, er, incident.  
  
Which weird guy? You know, that plaid-dressed guy, a.k.a. Suzaku-sama? Yeah, that weird old guy.  
  
Anyway, I guess it was kinda selfish for me to keep looking for him, seeing as I'd had a dream come true already. Still, though, if the opportunity presented itself any time soon...  
  
"Songgie-dono!" Glomp!  
  
"AAAAACCKK!" I fell over as someone glomped me from behind, my school bag flying about ten feet in front of me. Slowly, I turned my head... then blinked.  
  
The glomper in question was a redhead, with what looked suspiciously like cat ears on her head. Plus, I could swear I saw a tail hovering around behind her once or twice.  
  
She could only be one person.  
  
"Neko-chan?" I managed.  
  
"Songgie-dono! Wai, so I did stalk the right person!" Neko-chan ^_^ed, then pulled me up so I was standing again. "Yosh, so we finally meet, mighty authoress to authoress! Person to person! Girl to girl! Man to- wait that doesn't work... Hmm..." She paused to consider her next choice of words.  
  
"How did you GET here? And how did you FIND me?" I demanded.  
  
"I have my ways," she said mysteriously. Then she coughed. "Right, I'm supposed to be pissed at you..." She proceeded to glare at me, tail twitching behind her.  
  
"Ano..." I blinked again. "Why are you supposed to be pissed at me? You wanna show up in my fic again?"  
  
She paused. "Well, actually, that WOULD be nice, but no." She leaned forward, temporarily borrowing the Heero Yuy Glare of Death.  
  
I squeaked and backed away. "So why the heck are you mad at me? Ain't this supposed to be all genki an' stuff, us meeting and all?"  
  
"...Yeah? But still..."  
  
"Well?" I felt around and picked up my school bag, glancing at the time.   
  
"I wanna know how you met Suzaku-sama! I want Tasuki!"  
  
"Oh, that."  
  
Again, she used the Glare on me, causing me to fall over. "YES, that. I came to an entirely different state to find you, and damn it you're gonna help me FIND that old man so I can have Tasuki!"  
  
"What makes you think he'd show up for ME?" I asked. "I already MADE my wish!"  
  
"So fine then! Where is he? Where, where, where? Where'd ya see him? How'd ya tell him? WHERE ART THOU, SUZAKU-SAMA?!"  
  
"Ano... I think he'd respond better to Japanese..."  
  
She blinked. "Well, excuse me! When I say I know how to somewhat speak Japanese, I don't mean I know how to say 'Get your ass over here so I can have Tasuki Suzaku-sama!'"  
  
"I was just saying I didn't think archaic language would work!"  
  
"...Meh." The cat girl sniffed and looked around.  
  
"Anyway, he was hanging around here last time I saw him so he may still be hiding around," I said, brushing off some dust. "Look, it is REALLY awesome to meet you and all, but I gotta get going."  
  
"School?"  
  
"Actually, no. I just left school and am going home."  
  
"Oh." Neko-chan frowned. "He's around here?"  
  
"Yeah. Did you wanna come with?"  
  
"Nah. I have my mysterious cool ways of finding other authoresses, so after I get Tasuki I'll come find you. Maybe if I'm nice I'll get you 'Chiri." Neko-chan ^_^ed.  
  
"Hontou?" I asked. "That would be so cool! Okay, come find me with... er... your 'mysterious cool ways' later, then."  
  
"Later!"  
  
~*~  
  
Neko-chan wandered around that street for a while, kicking trashcans and mumbling to herself about the whole 'Chiri and chocolate sauce scenario she'd read recently on the Internet, thanks to Songwind.  
  
"Around here? Where the hell IS that red peacock?!"  
  
"Peacock? Where?!" someone said next to her.  
  
Neko-chan blinked and turned to see a girl, not much younger than herself, looking around wildly in search of said peacock. Then she sighed.  
  
"There IS no peacock."  
  
"Oh! So it's like the whole 'there WAS no spoon' thing, right?" The girl ^^;ed.   
  
"Ano, sure. Whatever..." Neko-chan began to walk away.  
  
"I just love the Matrix stuff," the girl continued, following her. "What about you?"  
  
"Anime."  
  
"Ooh, what kind?"  
  
"Foolish girl, you dare ask for a SPECIFIC anime?! I meant ALL anime! I worship ALL of it!" Neko-chan spread her arms wide to demonstrate this.  
  
"Oh, okay... So what kind of anime?" The girl smiled.  
  
Neko-chan growled. "Didn't I just say...?"  
  
"Yeah, but what kind are you lookin' for right now? Who's yer favorite anime person?"  
  
"I have MANY favorite anime people. Asking me for specifics will merely confuse me and scare you."  
  
The girl suddenly winked. "Ah, but only seven of said anime people are under MY control, if you know what I mean..."  
  
"Nani? Then... SUZAKU-SAMA!" GLOMP!  
  
"What the- ACK!"  
  
"I dunno about the whole pretending to be a girl thing since you're a guy but that's cool! Then again you ARE a god and I guess you can pull off being a girl but you look better as a guy. And what's with the Matrix stuff? You being an Ancient Chinese god an' stuffs it doesn't make any sense-"  
  
"Lack. Of. Oxygen...."  
  
"Oops!" With a grin, the cat girl released Suzaku and looked at him expectantly. "So where's Tasuki?! Gimme, gimme!"  
  
"Now, now," Suzaku said, wagging a finger (much like Xellos in Slayers would). "I can't just give you the Seishi."  
  
"What?! Why not?" Neko-chan's tail swished back and forth warningly as her eyes darkened.  
  
"Well, the first girl asked for food with her Seishi."  
  
Neko-chan blinked. "You want me to ask for a kinky kind of food to go with the Seishi?"  
  
"It IS protocol. Besides, the other girl found it quite entertaining..."  
  
"Hmm... I dunno... kinky food..." Then Neko-chan ^^ed. "Does pocky count?"  
  
Suzaku face-faulted. He sat back on his heels after a moment, rubbing his head. "I've never had someone ask for pocky. It's usually something like chocolate or cream or frosting..."  
  
"Pocky! No, wait Pixy Stix! Yeah! Pixy Stix has GOTTA count!"  
  
The peacock god (Suzaku- HEY! I heard that!) blinked and thought about that for a moment. "I guess you can have Pixy Stix with it... All right. You go to that girl's place, and bring lots of Pixy Stix with you. I'll do the rest. Tasuki will come at eight."  
  
"Wai!" Neko-chan glomped Suzaku again. "Arigatou! Domo! And thanks very muchly!"  
  
"You're welcome... I think..." With that, he disappeared.  
  
"Uh- wait! Oh, darn. I forgot to ask about 'Chiri... oh well." Neko-chan proceeded to imitate Amelia from Slayers, posing as though sacrificing something for the sake of justice. "As mighty authoresses, I suppose we can share the goods..."  
  
Neko-chan paused, then cackled. "That's a good one. Heh, Tasuki is SO mine..."  
  
With that, she made her way down the street, skipping happily and scaring many, MANY more people as she did so.  
  
~*~  
  
"It's almost eight!" Neko-chan declared. "Tas-chan's coming!"  
  
"Think he's bringing his tessen?" I wondered.  
  
"Well heck, why not? It'd be so fuuun..."  
  
"Neko-chan, you are a really good author but if you set my bookshelves OR my computer ablaze you will pay for it. By way of a VERY sucky fanfic involving you and a depraved walrus."  
  
The cat girl blinked. "Depraved walrus? Ain't that from Excel Saga?"  
  
"Well, yeah, I thought it sounded like a good threat..."  
  
"Ish cool!" Neko-chan ^_^ed and continued to bounce around on my bed.  
  
I watched this from my recliner, downing my third Pixy Stix of the night. Neko-chan had brought numerous huge packages of the sugar, praising Dollar ------ for the lovely store that it was. Being the great sugar absorbing person I am, I was still able to keep from fidgeting.   
  
Well, if I wanted to...  
  
Kinda...  
  
Okay, FINE! I was fidgeting all over the place and was really tempted to go into my parent's room and jump around on THEIR bed! Happy? People these days...  
  
So anyway, here we were, two authoresses high on sugar awaiting a certain redhead bandit to make his appearance.  
  
Ding, ding, ding, ding...  
  
"It's eight!" Neko-chan exclaimed.  
  
"He should be-"  
  
"WHA' TH' HEEEELLLL?!"  
  
Neko-chan and I both paused in our hyperness to watch as a red light appeared on the ceiling, and a redheaded person fell from it, landing on my carpet. Man, talk about déjà vu... Anyway, we both immediately began looking over him.  
  
"Red hair..." Neko-chan began.  
  
"Black coat..."  
  
"Tessen!"  
  
"Fangs!"  
  
"TASUKI!" We both shrieked.   
  
While Tasuki was trying to figure out where the hell he was, Neko-chan went flying off of my bed and landed right on Tasuki's back for a nice big glomp.  
  
"%)*#! Wha' th' HELL ya doin' t' me?!" he demanded, turning to look at the cat girl. His eyes widened. "Th' hell are YOU!? An' YOU?!" he asked, directing his attention at me.  
  
I blinked, returning temporarily to sanity. "Um, hi."  
  
"Hi. Tha's all ya gotta say, 'hi'. Well hi yerself. Now who th' hell're you and what'm I doin' here?" He blinked at Neko-chan, who was still huggling him. "An' wha's she doin' t' me?"  
  
"She's trying to glomp you. I'm Songwind, she's Neko-chan. I'm sorry if you had plans for tonight, but you're stuck in here with us for the next few hours," I said politely.  
  
"An' where is 'here'?" he asked.  
  
"Ooh, kansai accent," Neko-chan declared. "I LOVE his kansai accent! Oh, oh, can you do the knock, knock joke?"  
  
"Th' knock, knock joke? Th' hell ya think I am, Kouji? Damn, onna..."  
  
"C'mon, onegai?" we both asked.  
  
He hung his head. "I ain't no #&%^in' Kouji!" he repeated, avoiding our gazes.  
  
"If you refuse, Neko-chan will steal your tessen," Neko-chan said, grabbing said weapon and dancing out of the way.  
  
"Th' HELL! Gimme back my tessen, ya-!"  
  
"Do the knock, knock joke!" Neko-chan demanded. "Or Neko-chan will get mad!"  
  
Tasuki and I both sweat-dropped. "Neko-chan, you're referring to yourself in the third person again," I told her.  
  
"Eheheh..." She ^^;ed. "Well that isn't the point! Do the knock, knock joke NOW!"  
  
"Why you..."  
  
"Oh, so Kouji's the only one who can do it, huh? Shoulda figured that guys in charge can't do the coolest things," I drawled out loud.  
  
"Eh?! I didn't say nothin' bout not bein' ABLE t'... $&$%, fine. I'll do it." He cleared his throat.  
  
"Wai!" we both plopped down on the floor eagerly to listen to him.  
  
Tasuki did his best to acquire his friend's voice. "Knock, knock. Who's there? It's yer best friend in the world. It's yer best friend in th' world who? Kouji, ya baka! Oh Kouji yer my best friend, come on in an' have somethin' t' drink! Aw, thanks, bud!"  
  
"WAI!" Neko-chan glomped him again, dropping the tessen on his foot. At the same time, I tossed him Pixy Stix, which landed on his head.  
  
"ITAI! Che, women!"  
  
"Aw, you know you love us," Neko-chan said.  
  
"Like hell I do!"  
  
"I wonder," I mused.   
  
"What?" Neko-chan asked.  
  
I made my way over to the window and peeked out, careful not to reach outside at all. Then I blinked. "Neko-chan, did Suzaku-sama change into a teenage girl?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Weird."  
  
"And mildly disturbing too."  
  
"Uh-huh..."  
  
"Nani? Suzaku-sama's out there?!" Tasuki demanded. "Lemme see him!"  
  
Neko-chan and I turned to give him a weird look. "Don't you mean 'her'?" I asked.  
  
"Wha?" He scrambled onto my bed to peer out the window.  
  
There sat Suzaku-sama, sitting in that darned tree. He- or rather, SHE- was busy trying to figure out how to braid "her" hair. Needless to say, "she" was failing miserably. Suzaku's fiery locks merely turned into knots, or fell apart once she'd braided them.  
  
However, that didn't deter "her" from giving us a cheery wave when she noticed us looking.  
  
Tasuki was not amused.  
  
"Tha' ain't Suzaku-sama! That's some girl!"  
  
"Trust me, Tasuki, that's your god," Neko-chan said. "Now that you've seen him- her- um, SUZAKU- how about we have some Pixy Stix?!"  
  
"Yes, yes!" I agreed. I picked up a few and tossed some of them at Neko-chan, others at Tasuki, and kept the rest for myself. "Let us feast!"  
  
"Indeed!"  
  
Tasuki blinked, and pulled one of the Pixy Stix off of his head. "Th' hell's this?"  
  
~*~ Twenty minutes later ~*~  
  
"Mwehehehehee..."  
  
All three of us sat on the floor, laughing our heads off for no apparent reason. Tasuki had acquired a drunken state, giggling and cramming Pixy Stix down his throat every time he got his hands on them. His tessen lay on my bed, where Neko-chan and I had inspected it (mostly by poking it with a large stick).  
  
Finally, Neko-chan stood up and declared it was time to do something.  
  
"TO THE INTERNET!"  
  
"HAI!" I agreed.  
  
Tasuki stopped his cramming for a moment to blink again. "Wha's that?" he asked.  
  
"Wellit'ssomethingthatyoucanusetosseewhat'sgoingonallovertheworldallthetimeanytimeyouwantityouknowsoit'sverycoolanstuffiesan'usfangirlsuseitallthetimetodrooloverandtortureImeanuhworshipyouandyourfriendswith!" Neko-chan told him.  
  
"The HELL did ya jus' say, woman?"  
  
"I understood her perfectly," I said, turning my nose up.  
  
"Oh yeah, what'd she say then?"  
  
"Ano... what she said?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"...What was the question again?" I asked.  
  
He fell over, quite a feat considering that he was sitting to begin with.  
  
"SO, shall we? To the Internet!"  
  
We got on my computer and were logged on about five minutes later. Tasuki peered at the screen confusedly, wondering why there were things moving around on a box.  
  
"Wanna scare the hell outta him?" I whispered to Neko-chan.   
  
She grinned and nodded, then clicked on a search engine and typed in TasxChi sites.  
  
"What're ya doin'?" Tasuki asked, peering over our shoulders. Naturally (and thankfully!) he couldn't read English.  
  
Finally, Neko-chan clicked on a link and we were sent to one of the many shounen-ai websites there were on the Internet.  
  
Tasuki's reaction was very slow. First, when the page downloaded, he blinked. Then he tilted his head sideways, squinting at the screen. Then he frowned, rubbed his eyes, and stared some more. Finally, his eyes went wide and he hollered, "WHA TH' HELL IS THAT?!"  
  
The screen showed, naturally, a fan art of a certain male couple, one sitting on top of the other. ^. ^  
  
"That, is you and Chichiri," Neko-chan said, grinning.  
  
"But wha- I mean- ugh, you people are SICK!"  
  
"Calm down, Tasuki! I mean, don't worry, people know about you and Nuriko being the REAL couple here."  
  
"WHA TH' )(^)^(&%^&%_in' HELL ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?!"  
  
Ooh boy...  
  
So we fooled around with Tasuki's mind for a while longer. Neko-chan promptly glomped onto his middle a few minutes into the Internet thing. Tasuki decided he didn't want anything to do with the evil hentai computer anymore- that is, until we found a website where the webmaster was gushing praise to a certain bandit. Then Tasuki chose, thankfully, to let my computer live and not fry it with his tessen (which I kept near me, just in case he got any ideas...)  
  
Time flew by, and soon it was time for the bandit to go. I had asked him about Chichiri giving him the lyrics, and Tasuki had ended up burning them because he thought they were some sort of evil 'otherworldly' incantation that would somehow hurt him. Thus, we made him memorize Heart Ni Kiraboshi and made him swear to sing it the next time he was kicking ass back home.  
  
The red light was calling, and Neko-chan was crying rivers on Tasuki's jacket.  
  
"I dun WANNA let you goo!" she complained.  
  
"Che! Woman, leggo! An' stop crying! I hate it when you girls cry!"  
  
"Oh, wah," I teased. "Both of you."  
  
Both redheads looked up and glared at me. "Oh, shut up." Then they looked at each other. "Eh? Stop talking like me! I mean it! Stop right now or I'll take that tessen and hurt you!"  
  
I blinked as they proceeded to make ridiculous faces at each other for a while. The red light continued to beckon, but now it had a touch of impatience to it I hadn't noticed before.  
  
"I'll miss you Tasuki-kun! Remember that if you ever meet another fangirl you're already gonna be MINE!" Neko-chan declared.   
  
"..." Tasuki sweat-dropped. "Whatever." He rung out his coat, causing a puddle of water on my carpet, and shrugged. "Well, this was interesting, if nothin' else... say, can I take some o' 'em... whatcha call 'em?"  
  
"Pixy Stix? Sure!" I gave him the last three Stix.  
  
"Thanks! Ya know, ya fangirls are all right... long as ya ain't touchin' me... Well, ja ne!"  
  
With that, he disappeared into the red light, and he was gone as the clock struck midnight.  
  
Neko-chan, having lost her Bishie to cling to, promptly latched onto my leg and began to wail about how unfair it was that he had to leave and that he was HERS, damn it, HERS!  
  
I patted her on the head and offered to go give her some sugar.   
  
That said, we both trotted off to my kitchen without a glance back...  
  
Well, almost. Neko-chan insisted on mopping up that water Tasuki had wrung out of his jacket (a.k.a. her tears) and putting it in a bottle for a keepsake. But other than that, we didn't look back.  
  
Okay, that's a lie, too. She also decided that she wanted to take everything in my room and keep THOSE things, too, since now TWO Fushigi Yuugi Bishonen had walked around, touched, or otherwise been near my stuff.  
  
At this point I was forced to knock her out and drag her out.  
  
So yeah, we never looked back.  
  
Those were good times, good times indeed.  
  
^.^  
  
~*~ 


End file.
